Among the personal effects of Bert Spalding, Joan his estranged widow found in his papers the following brief account that took her somewhat by surprise after their ten years of marriage. While not a widely acknowledged fabulist, Bert, sadly no longer with us, undoubtedly had a rich inner life. Upon brief enquiry we found his story unfortunately without merit.
Reproduced with the permission of Joan Neesden (nee Piper):
Before I came along, my wife Gertie (or Greta as you may perhaps be more familiar) was working at what used to be the local Odeon behind the counter. I spotted her a mile off, with that unmistakeable gaze and the way she flapped her eyelashes. I always knew this moment would arrive.
It was a Thursday afternoon and I was looking forward with great relish to another sojourn to Gone with the Wind. A small Tizer, I announced, summoning the courage and giving her a knowing wink. Something in my expression caught her eye, and her lavishly mascara’ed lashes droopped ever so slightly. I felt hot all of a sudden and wanted to remove my coat and scarf.
When the picture had run its course I emerged into the foyer but Gertie had clocked off. Fighting my disappointment but girded by the possibilities of the silver screen, I left a cheeky but polite note for her with an usher. Ten weeks to the day later Gertie and me were married in Elmsley Wood town hall. Best four bob I ever spent.
